(Deep breath) OK. So, I am a private person. I don't like people to know what is going on with my life, especially my past. Which is strange that I'm trying to blog, right? I hate when people ask me really personal questions. I seriously feel an anxiety attack coming on! Ha. Let me explain.
Growing up, my family was all over the news, papers, both good and bad. I remember usually being asked "is your family the one from channel one?" Yes, yes that was my family. We had some really hard tragedies that were no secret, but as young girl, I was weirdly grieving and I had camera crews at my house, asking me about the passing of my baby sister. So strange to me. I had to meet with my school counselor every week, I had some issues with some kids at school who had said I was "milking it" and only wanted attention from it all. I also had kids writing me awful notes about my brother and his life choices. (Stupid jerks). I hated it. As more of my life went on, I shut down a little more and more, keeping a smile on my face, and not talking about ANYTHING. To this day, I have a hard time talking about the deaths of my loved ones, I will say how and when it happened. But I do not like opening up about it. I've closed myself off to wanting to share my life with friends, and loved ones. I didn't tell anyone about my pregnancy and kept it hidden for a long time. Not that I was ashamed of it, because I wasn't. I was sooooooo happy. My family all knew, but it was something I didn't want on facebook. I can remember deleting someones comment asking me when I was due. I don't know why, it's so stupid now. But I did. When my dad's tumor came back and it was a life or death choice of having surgery or not, I got rid of facebook. Completely. I married Jason, and it was easy to tell him everything. Which helped a lot. But Jason has things in his life, and issues with his family that people know about, and again put some of it in the spotlight a bit. To try and have people tell us some of the choices and some of the issues going on can reflect Jason as a man, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard (Sam). Or those things will ruin his wrestling career.
So, why am I sharing all this now? Well, I've realized Jason and I fly under the radar. We don't go to certain things because we're too worried about being put in a situation to talk about our pasts. Ugh. Enough is enough. Today I am being brave. I'm setting my blog as open, not "private" Besides the fact it's a huge hassle to add someones email every time they'd like to read these. I'm starting to realize, why keep living in the past? We should care less about what we think, and what people are thinking about us. And how we think about ourselves. My life is wonderful, and Jason and I are happy. If you want to check in on that then okay :) One of my favorite quotes is from The Lion King,
The past can hurt. But the way I see it. You can either run from it, or learn from it. -Rafiki
