The 'bers
Leaves changing, pumpkin spice latte, Halloween, and Boots with tights :)
All some of my favorite things!
This season is mixed with such emotion for me, besides the fact that I love it, it also brings on some major emotions for me. I had my facebook status about it, I didn't explain, people had concerns! Let me explain.. It's like I'm pregnant Abbey all over again, crying about my milkshake being too "liquid-y"!
September is Childhood Cancer awareness month, do something to help these kiddos, go take some gifts to your local hospital for BINGO for the kids, trust me those little gifts go a LONG way, Alex and I looked forward to that every week! Take movies, books, or even some crafts! If you can go visit! Don't have any time to do these? Donate not just to help awareness, but to bring happiness to the kids and their families (both need it)! This is one of my favorite places! Donate:
--->HERE<---
I'm so glad there is a whole month to help and bring awareness to the kids, but man does it make me miss my sister! She'd be 18! Oh my gosh! I can only imagine how much spunk that little nut would have! Athletic, smart, and beautiful! Tall and skinny probably still un-brushed hair (she had natural beach waves anyway) It's so weird how much Violet reminds me of baby Alex, dragging her foot around while dancing, swinging her arms back and forth as she runs, even throws her head back when she laughs!
I miss my sister.
October!
October is Breast Cancer Awareness!
Sigh.. Get checked ladies! Not just because it's awareness month, do it anyway! But some clinics do it for free in October! Who doesn't like free?
Watching someone go through this um, sucks. I had an aunt who had this disease.. I don't remember very well, I remember going upstairs and she'd always be in this big bed! I'd sit on her bed and she'd ask me how I was. I was so young it didn't make sense. I also got to watch Meagan go through it, she was/IS the toughest girl/Person I know. If you didn't know, you would not be able to tell she had a disease.. the only reason anyone knew was she had no hair. (Did I mention she was still the most beautiful too?) Her and Brian took me to the park by there house in AF to hit some softballs, get me ready for one of my games. Meagan would pitch me the ball and I would hit them out to Bri, She stood there with her cane, and I remember being so scared to throw it at her, her little tiny fragile frame, I'd roll the ball back buuuut she yelled at me, bad. She told me to knock it off, to throw the ball to her chest, quit throwing like a damn girl and throw it to her! Meagan could be a bit scary too... she was the older sister, Tyson and I always got a bit scared of her. There are memories I forget, that come to me on my 5 o'clock drive home from work, that make me smile and then cry! I see a pink ribbon and immediately think of Meags alllll day. I was certainly blessed to have such a great big sister, a sister who took me out and bought me the puffy vest my mom wouldn't buy for me, plus new jeans and let me borrow her favorite necklace to impress my new older crush in school! ha :)
MayMay
Oh November.. November.
November 11th 2003, I lost my baby sister.
November 25th 2005, I lost my big sister.
November 11th 2010, I lost my daddy.
I'm not going to talk about my dad, I can't. Not yet, that's something, I can NOT talk about yet.
I just miss him more than words.
Can you see why we hate November? "death-aversary" is what we call it. We aren't sure what to do with ourselves, we want it to stop, it's another year come and gone, we are so distracted.
My poor brother, Tyson. His Birthday is November 18th... He hates it. If you get to see him that month, give his an extra hug, we tried to convince him to change it.. but he'd rather not celebrate.
I know it's a bit soon and ya'll are thinking November is two months away, but once the "ber's" start, September, October, November, my chest starts to hurt. My emotions go out of whack and my whole family get into a slump. We become more coca-cola addicted, and a bit more stand offish, we go into hibernation. My mom would say "we get weird." It's hard you guys, so hard. So I apologize, in advance for the downer status' ahead of time..
It may be hard, but I'm still getting out of bed every morning I don't want too but I am. I've been trying this new thing where I wake up, look in the mirror and tell myself positive things like "I'm stronger than I seem" some days it's just "your hair is pretty" But I can do it. I have to.
My family motto:
WE DO HARD THINGS
And we do, everyday. And I continue to still feel blessed even with this sadness, We are all healthy, besides some gallstones and high blood pressure... We are happy, we have each other and a lot of love in our family. One of my favorite stories to tell is when Jason came to stay at my house the first time, before bed we all hugged and said our "I love you's" After, Jason asked me "do you guys always do that?" I said uh-huh of course, and in the mornings too! He looked at me in awe and said really? Doesn't every family do that? Isn't every family appreciative of the time they get to have together? I guess not.. But they should.
I'll end with this.. It's when I call my mom upset, like tonight, and she has to be the brave, strong one for the both of us while I cry my eyes out. (Have I mentioned how amazing my mom is? No? She's amazing, the end.) I always remember her favorite quote:
"Promise me you'll always remember, you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
-Christopher Robin
Thanks mom.
